Paint on Canvas
by tcarlson
Summary: He was only some paint on canvas, but Hermione couldn't stay away and he could see that it was destroying her.


Headmistress McGonagall barely heard the tentative knock on her office door. If she hadn't been expecting it, it probably would have gone unheard so quiet and unsure was the sound. But she had been warned that this certain someone would most likely be making an appearance and therefore she had her ear straining for any noise coming from the hallway all night long.

It was late. Well past curfew. If it had been a student or any of the staff knocking on her office door, Minerva would have reprimanded them (unless it was an emergency, of course) and made them wait until morning to meet with her. The late hour made this visit strange enough, but there was a special reason that brought the person on the other side of the door here on this special date.

It was the 2nd of May of 1999, exactly a year after the famous Battle of Hogwarts. But while the rest of the wizarding world was celebrating the defeat of Lord Voldemort, those who were actually present for the battle spent the day remembering what had been lost: the innocence of the students, the many lives of those who fought, and the former glory of the Hogwarts castle. A year wasn't enough time to erase the pain and rebuild the destruction. No, a year wasn't long at all.

She glanced up at the wall of portraits across from her desk and made eye contact with one of the previous headmasters. He cocked his eyebrow in an "I-told-you-so" manner and disappeared from the frame. Minerva sighed and put down her quill, wondering how to go about dealing with this sensitive situation.

She opened the door to come face to face with Hermione Granger. "It's been a year almost to the hour," she informed Minerva in a whisper. "He said that if I was good and attempted to move on, I could speak to him today."

Hermione was ushered to the chair opposite the headmistress's desk, offered tea, and scrutinized under a watchful eye as she sipped from her cup. Minerva did not like what she saw. Hermione had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was in even more messy than usual, and it looked like she had lost more weight than what was healthy.

"It doesn't look like you've taken care of yourself, Miss. Granger," Minerva accused.

"I've done everything he asked me to do last time he allowed me to speak with him. I got a job that I like. I moved into a nice apartment. I didn't try to see him again before today." Hermione swiveled in her seat to glare accusingly at the empty frame on the wall behind her. "Is he making you question me to decide whether I am worthy to be graced by his presence?"

"He's just worried that you have an unnatural obsession with his portrait. He doesn't want you wasting your life over some canvas and paint that isn't really him."

"It's enough."

Minerva reached across the desk to cover Hermione's hand with her own. "I know that even though your relationship was short that you loved him, but you aren't doing yourself any favors by holding on to this little piece of him."

Hermione pulled her hand away. "If you loved someone and there was a way to see them and talk to them even though you couldn't touch, wouldn't you do whatever you could to not miss out on the opportunity to look into their eyes or hear their voice?"

"Not if it was destroying me the way it is destroying you."

"Look, is he going to allow me to see him or not?"

"Do you think that based on how you present yourself tonight that you've proved that you have met his requirements to see him?"

"No," she ground out angrily. "But I figured that if he missed me and cared for me even half as much as I do for him that it wouldn't matter," she continued loudly enough so her voice would carry to the portraits behind her.

"That isn't fair," Minerva admonished. "He has your best interests in mind. It hurts him just as much as it hurts you to be separated." Hermione gave a little "humph" and crossed her arms protectively around herself. Angry tears prickled in her eyes. "Did anyone come with you tonight?"

"Harry is waiting for me downstairs. He walked me here and will walk me home."

"Well, let's go find Mr. Potter, then. He'll get you home." Minerva stood up and opened the door for Hermione.

Hermione stood up from her chair slowly. She faced the empty frame and promptly burst into tears. Alarmed, Minerva went over and wrapped her arms around the shaking girl. "It's just not fair! He promised!" Hermione sobbed into her shoulder. Minerva patted her back awkwardly and settled them both onto a bench near the fire.

"Minerva, if you'd leave Hermione and me alone for a couple of moments?" asked a voice from high up on the wall. The previously empty frame now held the figure of Severus Snape who viewed the scene below him in an almost dispassionate air, but anyone that really knew him would be able to see the pain in his eyes. Minerva nodded silently, patted Hermione one more time, and disappeared through a doorway on the other side of the room. Hermione was left sitting on the bench, avoiding the steady gaze of Severus and sniffling pathetically.

Severus studied his former student and lover. Like Minerva, he didn't like what he saw. She had promised to take care of herself, get her life in order, and consider dating again. It sounded like she did the bare minimum by finding a job and a place to live which were necessities and would have needed to be done even if Severus hadn't told her to as a condition to see him again.

"You haven't been taking care of yourself," Severus observed with an edge to his voice. "You can't have been getting three square meals a day."

Hermione looked up from where her gaze had been firmly fixed on the clasped hands in her lap. "I'm an adult, Severus Snape. I don't need you mothering me."

"And believe me when I say that I don't like being the nagging mother figure. But apparently you do need mothering if you can't pull yourself together, Hermione. It's been a year."

"I'm fine. I'd be even better if I had been allowed to see you on a regular basis."

"We tried that and you were even worse off than you are now. I don't want you wasting your life in front of my canvas. This is not me. I'm only an imprinted memory. The real Severus Snape is buried on the grounds."

"I'm well aware of that fact, thank you very much." Hermione stood and turned her back on Severus's portrait to hide her tears. "But those couple of weeks when you let me visit daily was so good for me. So much better than all the others who have to go and talk to a stone slab in a graveyard. I get to tell you all the things that I wish I had when you were alive and you actually get to hear it. Then, all of a sudden, I am forbidden to see you anymore. I had to wait for the first anniversary of your death and complete a list of tasks if I even wanted a chance to see you."

"Yes, it was cruel, but would you have ever gotten the motivation to find a job, get your own place, or start moving on otherwise?"

"No," she relented. "But it is also not your responsibility to force me to move on. I'll be able to when I am good and ready."

"It is my responsibility, Hermione," Severus replied quietly. "I allowed our relationship to start. I allowed myself to fall for you. I allowed you to love me. I allowed all these things at the climax of a war when I knew that I wasn't going to make it out alive. Since it's my fault that you are falling apart, it's only fair that I help put you back together."

"I'm not broken!" Hermione said angrily as she turned to face him once again. "I'm not a vase that's fallen to a tile floor or a watch rusted by water. I'm just mad that even though there is a way to be together, you keep pushing me away." She stomped over to him but seemed to deflate as he regarded her with his typical calculating stare. "Even if I could just see you once a week… for even an hour…"

"I don't think that's a good idea… How are you supposed to get on with your life if you're clinging to the past? How are you supposed to find someone to spend your life with if you won't let me go?"

"Find someone to replace you, you mean? Honestly, how would you feel if I did find someone?"

"If you were happy, I'd be happy."

"Liar. It would kill you to see me with someone else. You were always possessive, Severus."

"But I wouldn't have to see you with them, would I? You'd be able to move on. No need to see me anymore."

Hermione sat back down on the bench warily. "When are you going to get it? I will want to see you regardless. No one replaces you. I will never love anyone more."

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, a sure sign that he was getting irritated. "This is getting no where. I really think the best course is to break all ties. It's unhealthy to carry on like you are."

"I'll come every day. I'll sit outside Minerva's office until she lets me in. And then I'll sit right here until you see me. You can't get rid of me, although you seem rather keen to."

"Stubborn witch."

She gave a small smile. "If it weren't for my stubbornness, we'd have never gotten together."

He snorted. "I think us getting together had more to do with the pressures of war and a bottle of Firewhiskey."

Hermione's smile grew. "I guess I'm lucky you can't say no to a drink, even if it is with a know-it-all former student."

"I guess I'm lucky that you are rather forward with your affections when you take a few shots." Severus graced her with a rare smile.

A knock came at the door and Harry poked his head in. "Sorry, Mione, but Gin is waiting at home for me. She'll worry if I'm not home soon."

"You can go on ahead, Harry. I can get to my apartment on my own."

"You should go," Severus told her. "I don't like the thought of you leaving alone, especially with the last of the Death Eaters still free."

"Fine." Hermione stood up and gently touched the bottom of Severus's frame. "I'll see you next week?"

"I know I never said it, Hermione, but I loved you. I did."

"Did?" Hermione looked confused.

With a subtle nod from Severus, Harry wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "This will be the last time you will ever see me. Minerva will exclude your magical profile from those allowed freely in and out of Hogwarts' grounds. You will not be allowed back unless there is a good reason. Harry is ready to physically drag you home if needed, but I hope you'll accept this and walk out on your own."

"What? No!" Hermione cried. She turned to Harry. "You and Minerva planned this?" she accused. "Did you know when you brought me here that this would happen?"

"I agree with Professor Snape, Hermione. You need to quit this obsession cold turkey."

"I hate you! I hate all of you! You can't do this to me!" She tried shaking Harry off, but with another slight nod from Severus, Harry started pulling her away toward the door.

"No! No! Stop! Please! Severus! I'm sorry! I'll try harder! Anything!" With a burst of wandless magic brought on by her panic, Hermione broke free of Harry's hold and ran over to Severus. "I'll do anything you ask me, Severus. I'll date. Ron's been asking again. I'll marry him and have a whole bunch of kids and be happy. I promise! Just let me see you again."

"I'm sorry." With that, Severus left his frame.

Hermione hit at the corner of the frame in anger and disbelief before sinking down to the ground and wrapping her arms around her knees. Harry allowed her a few moments of peace so she could cry herself out. Then, he gently lifted her from the ground and guided her out of the office. She seemed numb to the movement and went without complaint.

She followed him silently throughout the halls, not even returning Minerva's quiet farewell. Once they exited the castle, the chilly spring air seemed to shock her back into reality. She looked back up at the tower that housed Minerva's office and swallowed thickly before stomping off across the grounds toward the lake.

"Hermione!" Harry called after her worriedly. "Hermione! Let's get you home. Where are you going?"

She pointedly ignored his pleas and even cast a mild stinging hex onto his hand when he tried grabbing her again. Curious and anxious, Harry could only run after her and hope that whatever mission she seemed to be on was harmless.

Hermione dashed past Albus Dumbledore's impressive white tomb, sparing it the quickest of glances before moving beyond it to the slightly smaller but no less impressive onyx tomb. She fell to her knees at its head and leaned her forehead against the cool stone.

Harry stopped when he saw where Hermione had led them and retreated back closer to Albus's tomb to give her some privacy. He couldn't help but watch her as she talked quietly to approximately where Severus Snape's head would be lying beneath the stone. Surprisingly, she wasn't crying and the words that did reach his ears were strong and unwavering. Something must have clicked in her head as she had walked from depths of the castle back outside.

Hermione had knelt silently for several minutes before gathering her thoughts and figuring what she wanted to say to the man who meant so much to her. It had to count. This could be the last time for a long time that she would ever get the chance to be near him. Who knew how long Minerva would exclude her from the wards and thus prevent her from visiting his tomb? Even if she was allowed back, how long before his portrait would talk to her again? What if he never talked to her again?

"I'm sorry, too," Hermione said, running her hands across the smooth expanse of stone. "I know the position I put you in. I was unintentionally causing you pain, something I promised never to do. You're right. I need to move on, and I promise that I will try harder. Just know that I will always love you no matter what path my future takes. Even if I marry and seem like the happiest girl in the world, you will always be in the back of my mind. Know that. I love you." She softly pressed her lips to the cold stone. "Goodbye, Severus."

She slowly strolled back to where Harry stood with his back against a tree, staring out at the lake. She took his hand and watched the waves catch the light of the reflected moon with him.

After a bit, she spoke up. "Ginny will be really worried now."

"She'll be alright," Harry answered. "I'd like to stand here with my best friend for a bit longer. I've missed her."

"You see me several times a week."

"Yeah, but that wasn't my Hermione. This is my Hermione. The Hermione with the light in her eyes and that spark of life about her." He hugged her close and kissed her temple. "How I wished I could have taken the pain from you."

"I'm sorry I've caused so much concern this past year." Hermione took a deep breath of fresh air as if she hadn't really breathed at all for the past twelve months. "But I think I'll be ok now."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She gave a small tug on his hand. "Take me home."

"My pleasure."

They walked past the gates and Apparated, both feeling lighter than they had since before the war.

A/N: I know I said that after "Downfall of Greed" was over that I'd get back to "Thinking", but I have 3 or 4 oneshots that have taken up residence in my creative mind and won't go away. I need to get these out of my system before I can even think about continuing "Thinking". So here's the first


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